Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
