WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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