You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
