I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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