im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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