3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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