no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
