wrigley field is MILF paradise
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
