If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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