I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
