Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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