so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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