On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
