I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
