I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
