my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
