woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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