I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just google imaged poop.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
