I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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