i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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