saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize