So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well I just put wine in my tea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
