Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
