You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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