just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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