I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ttyl tear gas
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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