I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
