was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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