Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
