i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize