i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
