how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
