uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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