a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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