she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
