This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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