u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
