so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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