College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
