Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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