PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
