Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
