I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize