Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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