My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
