woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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