puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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