as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
