I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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