This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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