dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
