I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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