New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
