So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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