I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
