areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
