Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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