so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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