i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
