Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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