I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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