Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
