I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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