I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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