I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
