I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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